Doltergeist: A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.

Contratemps: The resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

Impotience: Eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Guillozine: A magazine for executioners.

Suckotash: A dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Vaseball: A game of catch played by children in the living room.

Eunouch: The pain of castration.

Hindkerchief: Really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham palace.