Plumber: `We repair what your husband fixed.'

Pizza shop slogan: `7 days without pizza makes one weak.'

Billboard on the side of the road: `Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.'

In a nonsmoking area: `If we see smoking, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.'

At an optometrist: `If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place.'

On a butchers' window: `Let me meat your needs.'

On a fence: `Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive.'

Outside an hotel: `Help! We need inn-experienced people.'

In a veterinarians' waiting room: `Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!'

At the electric company: `We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.'

On the door of a computer store: `Out for a quick byte.'

In a restaurant window: `Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.'