Monty Python's Flying circus

John Cleese: Hello, I wish to register a complaint... Hello? Miss?

Michael Palin: What do you mean – miss?

JC: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.

MP: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.

JC: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

MP: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?

JC: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.


MP: It's probably pining for the fiords.

JC: Pining for the fiords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?

MP: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.

JC: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.

MP: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.

JC: Look matey, this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.

MP: It's not. It's pining.

JC: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the chore invisible. This is an ex-parrot...

Monty Python's Flying Circus, 7 december 1969. Wekelijkse herhalingen vanaf vanavond op Net5, 23.25-24.00u. (Foto BBC)