Church Bulletins (1)

Actual Excerpts from Church Bulletins and Billboards

The Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items for recycling. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Outreach Committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Ladies Bible Study will be held on Thursday morning at 10:00. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Evening Massage – 6 PM.

The Pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for Pancake Breakfast next Sunday morning.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet on Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.