A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.