It was a little over a year ago. One day after general Peter van Uhm (53) took up the office of chief of staff of the Dutch armed forces, news came that his 23-year-old son Dennis, a platoon commander serving with the 1,600 Dutch troops in Afghanistan, had been killed by a roadside bomb. Four days later, Van Uhm told the media that he was more determined than ever to continue working. "My son would not have wanted me to give up," he said.

A year later, Van Uhm sits in his office at the defence ministry in The Hague in his dark-green dress uniform. "Everything here is just like my predecessor Dick Berlijn left it. I think it is a waste of the taxpayers' money to order a new desk or other such nonsense. The only thing I brought with me are two clocks - one for here and another one for the meeting room. I think it's rude to look at your watch during a conversation."

After your son's death you said: I expect my colleagues to let me know if they think my emotions are clouding my judgement. How often has that happened?

"It has never happened, actually. I think because I've always tried to stay one step ahead. Whenever I had the idea that I was letting my emotions get in the way of the right decision, I would say: here is what I want to do - tell me if you think I'm crazy or I'm taking the wrong decision.

"Of course, people will occasionally ask me: are you taking care of yourself? Pure human concern. The other day was the first anniversary. A week later, the [defence] minister [Eimert van Middelkoop] called to ask how I was holding up. Let's just say there is one more reason to ask the chief of staff how he is doing."

What did you answer the minister?

"Well, I won't deny that there have been difficult moments - for me, for my family... Your life is turned upside down. And then a year later there is another special moment. But the documents keep coming in even during the weekend. It is hard to concentrate then; your mind is elsewhere. So I tell people: please double-check what I've written. And they understand. And they know they don't have to be afraid to tell me to give something another thought. My motto has always been: loyalty is daring to say no three times. Daring to tell your boss that you disagree with him. I can't do this all by myself."

Your son's death, one day after your appointment, was a bizarre coincidence...

"Yes..."

At the same time - though as it sounds - aren't life and death the core business of the military?

"No, that is taking it too far. Everybody in the military is aware of the risks that come with the job. You can face situations where you have to take life or death decisions. That goes for everybody, the soldier, the officer... But it is quite a different thing to accept that you're going to die."

You have chosen to be open about this and to show your vulnerability. You have admitted to getting professional help, for instance. Hasn't this diminished your authority as chief of staff?

"It is who I am. I couldn't have done this any other way. And I don't think it has affected my performance."

Let's talk about Afghanistan. What has the mission in Uruzgan, where the Dutch are the lead nation, accomplished in the past year?

"Progress has been enormous. I was there with crown prince Willem-Alexander last month. He hadn't been there for two years and he was amazed by what he saw. Two years ago, the ANA [Afghan National Army] didn't even have a camp in Uruzgan; now they have an entire brigade. There is a training centre for the police. In the provincial capital Tarin Kowt a coordination centre has been set up where all the civilian authorities and NGOs meet each other. They have done a very good job with voter registration ahead of the August election. The police were in charge of security with the army as back-up and only when that failed would the ISAF troops step in. Well, we didn't have to. They did it all by themselves.

"As far as development is concerned, there has been gigantic progress as well. Just look at the health-care: finally the majority of the population is within reach of a health centre."

And how has the mission benefited the Netherlands?

"We are implementing what the Netherlands has decided is our moral duty. We are one of the few countries in the world with a constitution that actually says that we want to promote the development of the international legal order. Apparently we see this as an ethical and political obligation. It is an indication of what the Netherlands want to stand for on the international stage. [But] in the Netherlands everybody has already forgotten what happened on September 11, 2001 and in Madrid and London.

Do you really believe that?

"People are no longer concerned about the threat of a new terrorist attack on a daily basis. We don't want to think about those dark things. But at least part of the terrorist threat has its roots in this region. So it concerns us. The Netherlands has earned its place at the table when these things are discussed in the international arena."

Your troops have been in Uruzgan for three years now, and yet the Taliban are still capable of firing missiles at close range at Camp Holland. How can you say then that the mission has been effective?

Van Uhm gets up to open a drawer. He takes out a dark picture with a brightly lit horizon. "Look," he says, "Tarin Kowt by night. In 2006 it was pitch dark after sunset. (Laughs) Now it looks like The Hague! Paris! Light means activity, a social life and security. A lot of people have come to live in Tarin Kowt because they think they can build an existence there. We have brought that security."

He then brings out a map of Uruzgan province on which the military has designated the areas under their control with coloured circles. "If a person in Afghan dress walks around in one of these circles I have no way of knowing what his political affiliation is. A missile fits nicely into a backpack. If you're herding your goats and you stop to put that missile on a rock with a timer attached and then go on your way... Well, something like this could even happen in the Netherlands."

The Americans and Nato have decided on a new approach in Afghanistan. What does that mean for the troops in Uruzgan?

"There will be more American troops but also more aid workers and more money for the south. That's a good thing. Let's not forget that the Americans are the biggest donors for development in Afghanistan.

"Uruzgan will get an American helicopter detachment. That will have a positive effect. More American troops will allow us to control more areas on a permanent basis. And that's what it's all about. The Americans are also going to do more to address the needs of the civilian population, something that we've been doing for a long time.

"But our adversaries are not going to like this and they will react. This is why in the short term we should expect more fighting, more roadside bombs, more suicide attacks. But you have to keep in mind why this is: because we are hitting our enemy where it hurts."

How sustainable is progress in Uruzgan or anywhere else in Afghanistan if neighbouring Pakistan descends more and more into chaos?

"I don't think Pakistan is descending into chaos. Just because you have now decided to report it in the papers?"

Three months ago the Taliban were not in control of the Swat valley with the consent of the Pakistani government. Now they are.

"That's an area that is very difficult to control. It is true that the Taliban have established themselves close to the Swat valley in the Buner district. But it remains to be seen how long they will hold on to it. I'm not saying it's all hunky dory, and we shouldn't try and put a gloss on things, but we have to be realistic when we look at Pakistan."

Still, there is the impression that the West is putting out the fire in Afghanistan while it is flaring up in Pakistan.

"No. The world has finally noticed the smoke in Pakistan. It is something that we have ignored for too long."

In some countries military missions have a strong patriotic element to them. Is this a motivation for your soldiers?

"Let me begin with myself. I am proud to be Dutch. And I think a lot of Dutch people are too. But the Netherlands is not a boastful country. Yes, in the soccer stadium during the Europa Cup, but that's it. We are a sober people. But I can assure you that whenever the Wilhelmus [the Dutch national anthem] is played, the men feel good about it. It's just that soldiers don't show their feelings much."

What are the motives for young people to enlist?

"They see what being a soldier is about: an active job, with colleagues. The group feeling: that's what they all look for. And of course a lot of people are in it for the adventure. My men are not A-students: some of them haven't finished high school. But they are great soldiers. They are working for the future of others and their own future."

And while they are working for the nation, the nation is sipping wine on sidewalk terraces.

"I think there is broad support for the military. But support for the troops is not the same thing as support for the mission. This is why we constantly have to explain what the use of the mission is, and why it is necessary. For this I need a platform, and the media are that platform.

"But sometimes the cards are stacked against us. Let me give an example: in 2007 a number of my commandos were involved in a bar fight in Austria. The papers were full of it. Recently they have all been cleared of any wrongdoing. This was reported in maybe one paper on page 25. It is an unfair fight. It is the same with the mission in Uruzgan. The positive elements of the mission are under-reported and the negative sides are exaggerated."

The defence ministry's own polls show that only 29 percent supports the mission in Uruzgan. Is that entirely the fault of the media?

"To a large extent it is."

But isn't there a deeper cause? The same poll says that 52 percent has little or fairly little interest in the Uruzgan mission. Maybe they just don't care?

"Yes, that is a problem. I recently spoke to parents whose son is in Tarin Kowt. They said: the neighbours were never interested in Afghanistan but because a local boy is serving there they have suddenly taken an interest. The average Dutchman takes comfort in the fact that he was born here. It is understandable that he doesn't always want to be confronted with the world's problems."

He gets up. "Before I forget," he says, handing over a newspaper article print. "This is a pure coincidence but I was just handed this great article from the Neue Zürcher Zeitung about the Dutch in Afghanistan. Read it when you have some free time."

The Swiss article calls the Uruzgan mission "the only bright spot in southern Afghanistan". It says the American military is coming to Tarin Kowt to see what the "Dutch secret" is all about.

Is there more recognition abroad than in the Netherlands?

"I think people are starting to realise that our approach is the right one. That's important of course. Doesn't everyone want recognition for their work? We are people too. If it is said that the Dutch are doing a good job in Uruzgan than that's a tribute to my men."

In Van Uhm's spare office a small frame stands out: it is a black wristband with the words: "Lieutenant Dennis van Uhm, KIA (Killed in Action) 18 April 2008". Barely audible, the general says: "It was given to me by an American I didn't even know. He had heard the story and sent me this. It is an American tradition to make an wristband like this when someone in the unit is killed."

On the window sill two sabres shine in the sun on their stands. "I might as well tell you. This is the officer's sabre I received when I graduated from the royal military academy. The second one was given to me when I left as battalion commander. The academy has ended that tradition now. So when my son made lieutenant I took the first sabre to a local jeweller and had him engrave my son's name next to mine.

"I gave the sabre to my son and said: 'A tradition is born.' That's the van Uhm humour. The son looked at his father and laughed.

"That sabre was given back to me. That is not how it was supposed to go."